Posted by: taxthedeer Aug 7 2014, 05:49 AM
http://www.theonion.com/articles/goingoutofbusiness-sign-thanks-neighborhood-for-3,36627/
QUOTE
Going-Out-Of-Business Sign Thanks Neighborhood
INDIANAPOLIS—Shuttering its doors after an unprofitable 12 weeks in business, local coffee shop Crossroads Café offered a heartfelt goodbye to the community this week with a large going-out-of-business sign thanking residents for their total lack of support. “Although we’re sad to be leaving, the whole team at Crossroads Café owes a huge debt of gratitude to our customers for only peeking in, ignoring our daily fresh baked goods, not showing up to any of our live events, and just generally being uncaring pricks,” read the emphatic, hand-lettered poster prominently displayed in the window of the now-defunct storefront. “Having to make rent and payroll with barely $100 in sales is an experience we’ll never forget. We feel so fortunate that even for three short months we had the chance to serve such a cheap, disloyal community who clearly could give a shit about supporting local commerce. And we truly mean this from the bottom of our hearts: Thanks for nothing, assholes.” The poster is considered to be the local business community’s sincerest farewell to the public since the Fox Road Blockbuster Video hung its famous “Enjoy Your Fucking Netflix” banner in 2011.