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> Joke Thread, ...just jokes, no comments allowed...
Roger Kaputnik
post Nov 21 2008, 09:30 AM
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Chaudhary, the landlord: Hey, what happened to your head?

Khan, the Pathan gardner: Well, Sahib, I was coming back from Peshawar, and the darn cart I got a ride in had a nail sticking out of the sideboard. We hit every rut in the road and bounced all over, and every time the cart jostled, the nail poked my head and scratched me up.

Chaudhary: Why didn't you trade seats with someone?

Khan: There was no one else on the cart!


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CaddyRich
post Nov 21 2008, 10:19 AM
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I need a ruling, please...
Can I use the s-word (crap, poop, you know) only because it helps the joke?
Thanks, my wrinkled cortexed, free speech friends.


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Roger Kaputnik
post Nov 21 2008, 10:41 AM
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In my opinion, that is fine.

Admin, is it possible to edit this thread to eliminate any comments like post #2 and this one?

Also, for future reference, in a joke thread we assume there will be language and situations not discussed in mixed company. It is ok here.


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Ang
post Nov 21 2008, 11:25 AM
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I'm okay with that. And yes, we can delete posts or edit them if we need to, but you know we don't like to do that. Free speech and all.....

May I suggest that off color words have some letters substituted with symbols, such as "sh*t"?


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Southsider2k12
post Nov 21 2008, 11:29 AM
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QUOTE(Ang @ Nov 21 2008, 11:25 AM) *

I'm okay with that. And yes, we can delete posts or edit them if we need to, but you know we don't like to do that. Free speech and all.....

May I suggest that off color words have some letters substituted with symbols, such as "sh*t"?


I would even rather leave the second post and the subsequent discussion in here so that people know where the lines are.
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Roger Kaputnik
post Nov 21 2008, 12:04 PM
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Sure, but please, no more comments--only jokes.


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Ang
post Nov 21 2008, 12:26 PM
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Two blonds are walking through the forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
The first blond looks down and says, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blond says, "Nuh-uh, they're bear tracks."
And they both got hit by the train.


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Roger Kaputnik
post Nov 21 2008, 12:42 PM
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Yo mama is so fat she has to haul ass with both hands!


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CaddyRich
post Nov 21 2008, 01:10 PM
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An old blind man was sitting on a street in Jerusalem, begging for help. A man walks by, and seeing the old Jew's plight, hands him a piece of matzoh. The beggar takes it in his hands and begins to laugh, asking,
"Who wrote this shit?"


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Tim
post Nov 21 2008, 04:53 PM
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A duck walks into a pharmacy - says "Give me some chapstick - and put it on my bill."
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Tim
post Nov 21 2008, 05:03 PM
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From The Great Carnac

Carnac: The answer - specimen.

Ed. McMahon: Specimen

Carnac: THe question - what do you call an Italian astronaut?
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Tim
post Nov 21 2008, 10:28 PM
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A horse walks into a bar - bartender comes over and says so - why the long face?
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Tim
post Nov 21 2008, 11:19 PM
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QUOTE(Roger Kaputnik @ Nov 21 2008, 01:04 PM) *

Sure, but please, no more comments--only jokes.



Okay - I'll comment.

Did you leave the funny part out of your first joke?
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CaddyRich
post Nov 22 2008, 12:54 PM
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A sandwich walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food."



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ANH27
post Nov 22 2008, 09:16 PM
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Three blondes walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
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Ang
post Nov 23 2008, 02:09 AM
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Three strings are walking down the street one summer day. They get hot and thirsty and decide to go for a beer. The walk for a while before they find a bar and are really thirsty. There's a sign on the door that says, "No strings allowed"
The first one says, "I know I can talk him into it. Give me a second..." and he goes inside. A couple minutes later he comes back out and says, "No dice, guys. That guy is tough."
The second one says, "Well, I'm a charmer, I'll talk him into it." and he goes inside. Just a few minutes later he comes flying out the door and says, "You ain't kidding! That guy IS tough!"
The third string decides he will try a different tactic. He gets himself all bunched up in a knot, floofs out his top half and goes inside. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for a cold draught. The bartender says, "Aren't you a string?" and the string says, "Nope, I'm frayed knot."


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The_Mikester
post Nov 29 2008, 11:37 PM
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OK, forgive me if you heard this one...

This guy is walking along a trail next to a cliff... Walking... Walking... Suddenly he falls over the cliff! Screaming and grabbing at the air he suddenly grabs hold of a small branch sticking out of the cliff! Hanging there on the side of the cliff he sizes up his predicament.... "Hellllp! Helllllllp!" he shouts. He suddenly hears a voice from the heavens, "Hello!" "Who's that?" he asks. "God" comes the reply. "Do you trust me?" God asks. "Yes Lord, of course I do!" he replies... "Then let go!" God says.....

He asks "Uhhhhh..... Is there anyone else up there?"




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lovethiscity
post Nov 30 2008, 02:32 PM
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A skeleton walks in a bar and says "Can I get a beer and a mop"
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Homey
post Dec 1 2008, 08:30 AM
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Women Who Read


A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day madam", and he left.............

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think


I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt



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Roger Kaputnik
post Dec 1 2008, 10:17 AM
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Three Board Administrators go into a bar, laughing, celebrating, and happy as can be. After ordering a couple rounds of drinks, and continuing their exuberant celebration, they got the bartender's curiosity up.

He comes over to their table, and says, "You seem pretty happy about something and celebrating well. Can I ask why?"

"Well, of course," one answered, "just to get a break from all the pinheads posting, we have been getting together to work puzzles. Well, we finally finished our first one, and it only took six weeks! and on the box, it says 'four to seven years!'"


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