City Man Assaulted By Slice Of Pizza

Laurie Wink
The News-Dispatch

MICHIGAN CITY - A 20-year-old La Porte man apparently was a true Slicer when he allegedly slung a slice of pizza Friday at an unsuspecting victim.

Police are seeking a warrant for battery against the man for flinging the pizza onto the face of a 32-year-old Michigan City man, police said. The man reportedly had just left work and was walking with a co-worker north on Franklin Street at 11:20 p.m. when the incident occurred. He saw an unidentified male in the front passenger seat of a dark-colored car make the toss as the vehicle headed south on Franklin Street.

Lt. Mark Zummak went to the scene at Franklin and Southwood streets to speak with the victim. While there, he found a pizza slice in the road and considered it convincing evidence.

"It's not very common for a piece of pizza to be laying in the middle of the road," Zummak said.

Zummak was assisted by another officer, who pulled over a dark green Saturn near Ohio Street and Ogden Avenue, not far from the scene of the assault. In the car were three men and two boxes of pizza.

The man in the front passenger seat admitted to police he threw the pizza, even though he didn't know the victim and had no reason to do it. According to police, the suspect admitted it was "a stupid thing to do," but didn't appear remorseful. The driver asked the officer if he had ever done something stupid, making the officer think he didn't take the situation seriously either.

q

Two officers for a pizza assault? lol.

It's upsetting that they go through the effort or writing an article but neglect to mention what toppings were on the offending slice of pizza.

Good point, it would have been much more egregious if it was say anchovies instead of cheese.

As a funny side note, I had a guy that used to work with my who robbed a convient store with a banana. Yes, drugs were involved.

How about eating a pizza in the car? Isn't that a little odd? Was the pizza still in the car, making it a dangerous weapon? I hope that the paper will follow this story.

If the guy put up a fight, would the MCPD subdue him with red pepper flakes?

Ha ha ha!!!

OMG! That's a good one!

The headline should read that the man was assaulted WITH a slic'a 'za, not BY a slice. Imagine a pizza getting up on its own and assaulting or doing anything. It doesn't happen. And by the way, it is the same thing in shootings. People use guns to shoot, and guns do nothing on their own.

Durn, i was about to say the same thing.

My first legal writing assignment in law school had to do with the difference between robbery and armed robbery. The difference between them is essentially whether the perpetrator uses a deadly weapon to commit the crime. Different states look at this differently, however. Some states define a deadly weapon in a manner I would call objectively -- a capgun isn't a deadly weapon in those states. Other states look at the question from the viewpoint of the victim -- a capgun looks like a deadly weapon, so a robbery involving a capgun is an armed robbery there. And yet other states use questionable logic to find whatever they want -- a capgun, while as a capgun isn't inherently a deadly weapon, could be used as a club by an assailant, so can be considered a deadly weapon.

In analyzing those last two approaches, I argued that to a 93 year old grandma, an angry Mr. T with a bran muffin could be guilty of armed robbery. I got an A on that paper.

Thought the same thing--I was really disappointed when there was no giant walking pizza slice in the story.

but the anticipation was fun for a second.

Pizzas don't kill people, people kill people!

What a waste...was it Albano's, at least? I could see how Domino's or Papa John's would be considered a dangerous weapon, but I'd love to get thrown a free slice of pie.

Albano's is too good to throw out the window. If it was, the guy should be arrested just for wasting a perfectly good piece of pizza!

Hmmmm.... Attack of the Killer Pizza -- a movie in the vein of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?

My movie treatment for Hollywood...

A mad scientist invents a pizza crust that is self-rising -- and it rises to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

The pizza runs rampage through a small midwestern town, ingesting the residents of an old folks home, an organic food market, a french restaurant....

But when it attacks the high school football stadium during the homecoming game, our hero, armed with boxes of folks and knives (and a copious supply of napkins), throws these implements to the crowd who deal with the rampaging pie in the traditional manner.

Followed immediately with distribution of a carload of bicarb and the largest group burp in the history of man.

© Dave 2008

The End...Or Is It?

It might repeat on you!

That was how The Blob finished, if you remember.

Hey, I was doing my best to parody The Blob, I just forgot the question mark at the end!

Typical anti-pizza control rhetoric...pizza doesn't kill people - people kill people!

You'll get my (munch munch) pizza from me when (munch munch) you pry it from my (munch munch) cold dead (munch munch) hands.

Oops. Maybe not. Got another slice?

In an amazing decision, the Supreme Court decided in a 5-4 decision that a pizza may be enjoyed by one's self; eating a pizza is not a collective right wherein others must be given slices--it is an individual right that may not be abridged.

"...the right of the people to keep and bear extra cheese, sausage, and mushrooms shall not be infringed."

post of the day.

edit: also Roger's. it's a tie.

Hrumpf. Not even an honorable mention?

Tough crowd.

LMAO



this.